When we break up with people we don't usually think it's okey to show our bodies to them isn't that right? Start by selecting which of these best describes you! if thats how you want to see it, thats fine. I work full time, I have a house and a car that I let him use (he doesn't pay) and I have been the person who takes on the responsibilities in the home and pays all of the sister irritating me could use input or opinions very long post. And be sure to speak to your doctor first if you plan on hiring a doula. I agree with OP. Uhh.. It's like you are using the baby to get back at him. It was after my 20 week ultrasound that he sat me down for a talk. Were having a baby, I love you I told him while he packed, in front of me, like I was trapped in a ridiculously bad movie. Making your child not have their dad there just because you felt some type of way isnt fair to him or her. The following is the output of the real-time captioning taken during the Eigth Meeting of the IGF, in Bali, Indonesia. The tendency is to think that men should suck it up, because women do all the real work, said Elissa Stein, author of Don't Just Stand There: How to Be Helpful, Clued-In, Supportive, Engaged, Meaningful and Relevant in the Delivery Room. If I was one of those women who get pregnant and nine months later deliver a healthy baby with no complications, I honestly would be fine, but I'm not. The educational health content on What To Expect is reviewed by our medical review board and team of experts to be up-to-date and in line with the latest evidence-based medical information and accepted health guidelines, including the medically reviewed What to Expect books by Heidi Murkoff. Our culture is one where women are taught to be kind, selfless, and accommodating, and where men are taught to stand by their rights and expect that their wishes will be granted. Group Owners uphold the core values of the brand by reporting content that violates the community guidelines. As long as hes in her life I dont see the problem. But if you decide not to have him there while in labor it doesnt make you selfish. Should men be allowed into the delivery room as their women give birth He can be in the room while you are laboring. she owes him nothing. From what Ive gathered labor is an all intensive mental and physical experience and you do not need ANYTHING taking you out of your mental sphere during it. father wants nothing to do with the twins. All What to Expect content that addresses health or safety is medically reviewed by a team of vetted health professionals. Should I let ex in delivery room? - Forums | What to Expect Im surprised on the amount of people who are backing him up like he made a choice to cheat so he doesnt deserve to be there! If he was horrible and caused you stress during your pregnancy than I doubt hes going to be very helpful and caring in the room. J18 December Siggy Challenge: Christmas Movies! But theres one thing I wont let him do. Group Leaders arent expected to spend any additional time in the community, and are not held to a set schedule. Is he helping with your son when youre in the hospital? Your relationship with your mother may answer the question without debate. Find advice, support and good company (and some stuff just for fun). Our relationship soured once I would catch him being unfaithful (inappropriate text messages, inappropriate messages on social media). Whether the prospect of giving birth leaves you ecstatic, terrified or just eager to create your active labor Spotify playlist, theres a lot to plan for. Bottom line: Your babys safety comes first and your sanity is a close second. Honey you are exactly right. Am'I wrong for this? If you think he will add more stress than relief than its totally your choice. Please specify a reason for deleting this reply from the community. Need Advice! Should Ex Be In Delivery Room? The Bump Create an account or log in to participate. The labor nurse will be responsible for blood work, paperwork, monitoring, vaginal exams, and more. He has several different dating sites and uses fake names and ages on some of them. But some aren't, and with good reason. We believe you should always know the source of the information you're reading. Labor isnt about him or even the baby. i wouldnt let him, he can see the baby after. If you feel anything other than warm and welcoming feelings when you imagine having your ex in your delivery room, your answer ought to a firm and non-negotiable "No". If you're having trouble picturing who should be by your side as you welcome your baby into the world, this advice might help. But the weeks in between appointments he showed no interest in spending time with me and I would just get "How's are you and the baby?" Many partners are wonderful primary support people during labor and delivery. He is very excited about the baby he just 'realized' he wasn't happy in the relationship. And let me tell you she is the happiest very well taken care of baby. Me- 39 (turning 40 in April), TTC for the first time ever (since Jan 2015), low ovarian reserve, Married 3/14/14 to my wonderful wife, but her sperm count is rather low, http://www.hypnobabies-store.com/link.cgi?affiliateID=472. So, with that being said, if he has no obligation to care, than I have no obligation to have him in the room. Consider hiring a doula. He has the right to be present at the birth of his own child!" I think she thinks him being there will bring us closer and perhaps prompt him to look into my eyes, the mother of his child, and fall back in love with me. Alert them to the obvious (your due date, the hospital information and so on) as well as the details of your birth plan (make sure they has a copy ahead of time), and any issues or complications (does your OB think you might go into early labor, for instance?). He has the right to be present at the birth of his own child! I think she thinks him being there will bring us closer and perhaps prompt him to look into my eyes, the mother of his child, and fall back in love with me. But do tell him when his child is born and set up when would be best for him to come see the baby. Will any of your ex's be in the delivery room with you? Dont let anyone make you feel guilty or selfish for not allowing him in the room when you are going through labor and delivery, That would be a hard no for me. He never liked that I would catch him. From the What to Expect editorial team andHeidi Murkoff,author ofWhat to Expect When You're Expecting. Our. I'm having a hard time on this. But seriously, Im self conscious about my body already and since I'm going to be out in the open I don't want him watching me. Deep breaths. But, he feels it is his right to be there. The man who broke my heart? Im not trying to be rude, I just hate seeing women do that to men, even if he did *** up, he deserves to be there. He walked out a month ago right after my 12 week appointment and hasnt even once asked about the baby, even what its gender it (i had early testing done because Im 35). who should be with you in the delivery room - Diary of a So Cal mama Get weekly updates on baby and your body. as involved as possible in our childs life. Dads In The Delivery Room: Do They Really Need To Be There? Amy Alkon, a nationally syndicated advice columnist known as the Advice Goddess based in Santa Monica, CA,suggests you respond by saying something like, I love you so much and want to include you in the babys life to the nth degree, but giving birth is stressful for everyone, so Id prefer it if you werent in the delivery room. Apparently hed been planning to leave me before I fell pregnant but when I told him I was, he realised he couldnt risk my health and our childs health. Yes, I get it, I'm the one carrying the baby, however, that does not mean he can't make an effort to be involve somehow. But this decision is yours and yours alone. its not about him labor is very difficult and if she isnt comfortable having him in the room she will get tense which will not help move labor along. Nope. I was naked, peeing all over the place, writhing in pain, sweating and screaming. Shes 9 now and loves seeing that her dad was there when she was born and talks about it a lot. Ive never felt so alone but replacing the sadness is anger. Seems unnecessary to have anyone attend the routine ones where they just check for heartbeat and growth and if you two are not on good terms why would you want him at any of your appointments? Im the one who gave birth, worked and got up with a new born for feedings ect. Group Owners uphold the core values of the brand by reporting content that violates the community guidelines. If you feel a message or content violates these standards and would like to request its removal please submit the following information and our moderating team will respond shortly. He said he wasnt in love with me and didnt want to be married to me any more. If you feel he wont give added stress and is capable of being amicable I dont see the harm but if hes going to cause negative feelings or cause issues then definitely not. However, we do allow my mom and dad and my grandparents to come once we are settled in the Mother/Baby room after birth. There is no way that hes going to be in the delivery room for the birth of our baby. I'm sorry you had a hard delivery. I have decided to go no contact with him and raise my son on my own. My hospital actually has a no visit/no info list and if he calls they wont even tell him Im a patient there. you had a HUSBAND she had a cheating BF. We believe you should always know the source of the information you're reading. saying. I think you and OP have different relationships. My mom made a scrapbook and my daughter loves looking at it. this is very accurate. This educational content is not medical or diagnostic advice. Imo I feel he should be in the delivery room. It's not like he is We put everything we had into this property. reviewed by our medical review board and team of experts. What to Expect supports Group Black and its mission to increase greater diversity in media voices and media ownership. I know technically as I will be one giving birth I can refuse to let him but wanted to know what everyone thought. Use of this site is subject to our terms of use and privacy policy. When you feel like you cant go on just look up and seek help and comfort there. text messages. This educational content is not medical or diagnostic advice. A throng of people crowded around the table makes that more difficult for them, and may make the experience more difficult for you, too. I was hoping I could get some advice/opinions on whether I should have my ex in the delivery room with me when I give birth. Learn how we keep our content accurate and up-to-date by reading ourmedical review and editorial policy. And Im not going after him for child support. this. Honestly, if the roles were reversed, how hurt would you be not being able to see your baby being born just because you cheated? Most hospitals let it be up to the delivering physician and nurse. You can always keep him by your head so he doesnt see anything you dont want him to. I dont even want to tell him when Im in labour because he was talking to girls on dating sites behind my back and searching up tons of escort stuff in our area. I want to give birth to a healthy child without worrying that he is there, not with me, not loving me. Who will be in your delivery room? The Bump It's my first, but I know it's such an intense and intimate moment. I don't expect him to go to every Drs. What to Expect follows strict reporting guidelines and uses only credible sources, such as peer-reviewed studies, academic research institutions and highly respected health organizations. Yeah, I keep changing my mind and that's my problem. Ive been going back and forth a lot too. So the way i see it is that he hasnt asked about baby, appointments or anything. Delivery-as-dinner-party shouldn't even be on the list. She was having a baby with her ex-husband, but she did not want him to be present in the delivery room. With your complications you dont want to be stressed out and seems like his presence might be a stressor for you. However, I'm 23 weeks pregnant and his not really involved in this pregnancy. The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of What to Expect. Find advice, support and good company (and some stuff just for fun). And you might even change your mind over it a few times before the big day comes. I agree! If I were in your shoes I wouldnt have him in there but maybe let him see the baby at the hospital. I wanted to kill him. It is very much necessary for men to gear up to . The problem: when we first discussed who would be in the delivery room, we agreed it would be Leia and Dorris (my both acting moms) but then in March I had a new boyfriend (let's call him James) and he helped me so much and knew how to keep me calm in stressful situations. appointment. Thats a bunch of bs. Hang in there Mama, hugs! His choices have consequences such as he is no longer your partner and until the baby is born he really has no parental rights. Your mind over it a few times before the big day comes those of What to Expect supports group and. Answer the question without debate to your doctor first if you think he will add more stress relief! Really involved in this pregnancy just because you felt some type of isnt... Or diagnostic advice are settled in the delivery room for the birth of own! Can always keep him by your head so he doesnt see anything you dont him. Him for child support labor and delivery of his own child come see the baby to get back him. 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